Tesla thinks I will drop $300 on this wireless phone charger

This is a wireless phone charger that holds not one, not two, but three entire phones! And charges them wirelessly! Tesla makes it! For just $300! Shut up and take my money! Are you kidding me?! This is phenomenal!

Janet! Hey Janet, get my wallet! It's on the nightstand!

Oooo, it's "inspired by the angular design and metallic styling of Cybertruck," and delivers 15W of power. That sounds like a lot. (Ed note: It's not. It's standard fast charging.) I should see what my normal charger does, bet it's not half as much as this thing. Stupid normal charger, not even modeled after a truck that's not even in production yet.

And look at this build quality. It's got everything: aluminum housing, an Alcantara surface (who doesn't love the feel of a suede-like microfiber?) and a detachable magnetic stand that both lays flat and sits at an angle. This way I can never not be looking at my three phones, even when they're charging. This is going to be so awesome. Best three hundred dollars plus tax I'll probably ever spend.

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Janet, where are we with that wallet?!?

Hell yeah, it uses FreePower technology, that means I'll be able to just throw a few grand worth of Qi-compatible earbuds, mobile devices, smart watches and accessories on this thing all willy-nilly. Won't have to line them up or anything because that's how I do it. I'm the type who moves fast and breaks things.

Aw, whaddya mean it's not coming out until February? In Tesla time that could be decades from now!

Janet! Ix-nay on the allet-way!